My Partner Is A Gamer…Help!
It’s the weekend, and you are looking forward to spending some time with your partner. You head over to their house, or if you live together, maybe you are just getting home from work. When you get to your partner’s house, they are playing video games…again!! You have tried to be a good partner and not say anything, but at this point, you can’t spend another night watching them play video games, competing for their attention. Do they not know video games are bad for you?? You decide to let them have a piece of your mind! This turns into a fight, and soon you are headed back to your place to Netflix and to chill alone or locked down in a different room of the house.
If this hits home for you, then you are in the right place. As a society, we portray adult gamers as men who don’t have their lives together, who still live at home with their parents. The Internet term for this is neckbeard. There is some truth to why we portray adult gamers that way. Yet, here are some facts that I want you to know before we make an irrevocable decision.
- Henry Cavil built a gaming PC and recorded it for his fans.
- Mila Kunis loves playing World of Warcraft.
- Michael Phelps loves playing Call of Duty.
These are highly successful people who enjoy playing video games! Why do we shame people for playing video games? The general answer is that we tend to shame things that we don’t understand because it’s easier on us that way. If we truly want to understand something, that means we need to look at our own reasons and biases, which means looking inside ourselves.
Understanding Your Gamer Partner
If you want to start understanding your gamer partner more, you need to start out with understanding what it is that bothers you about their video gaming. Here a few questions to ask yourself:
- Why does it bother you that your partner plays video games? Really reflect on this question. Is it that they spend a lot of time doing this? Do you wish they would spend more time with you?
- Are you bored when you watch them play video games?
- Are you jealous that your partner has a hobby that they are passionate about and truly enjoy?
- Are you secretly envious of them for that?
This last question might trigger some feelings and make you feel defensive, or that you want to stop reading this article right now. If it happens, then that usually means there is some truth to my question. Here are some commons answers I have seen from clients.
Envy and Jealousy
I could write an entire article on envy and jealousy. These emotions get a bad rap all the time, and they are two of the most useful emotions! Once we get past the intense sensations and feelings of these two powerful emotions, there is an underlying message trying to tell you something. For me, these emotions mean that I am ignoring a desire or something I want to do. For you, it might mean that you want to find a hobby that you are genuinely passionate about.
You Aren’t Communicating Your Needs
Does your partner realize that you want to spend more time with them? If you have never had a conversation with your partner, telling them that you would like to spend more time with them doing an activity you both can enjoy, just tell them! If they say, “yes! I would love that too,” then great. If they say no, then you might need to consider further whether this is the right person for you.
Understanding Your Partner
Once you have done your own self-discovery, talk with your partner about their video game hobbies. They will most likely love to talk with you about it. Ask them all the questions you are curious about. Now, your partner might be a little skeptical of you at first, especially if you had fights about this in the past. As a gamer myself, I am always skeptical because I have grown up with people shaming me for playing video games. It’s important to understand this might be a tender topic for your partner as well. I can almost guarantee you that if you come with an open mind and genuine curiosity, you will get to see a whole new side of your partner. For me, video games bring me lots of joy and happiness. It is a way for me to wind down from the day, to escape from the world for a little while. We all have our little escapes; movies, scrolling social media, and reading books are all examples of this.
Here’s the cherry on top. Suppose you communicate your needs and wants to your gaming partner, approve of their gaming hobby, and even find your own hobbies to be passionate about. Your partner will notice this and love you even more for it. Then they might start asking to spend more time with you!
